A Mini Update #5

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Hey guys...I know I've been MIA recently and yeah...if I blog, there must be happening to me.
Since I've always led out my hardest feelings here, maybe I should pour it out here too.
Btw, no one would even wanna bother...
Okay, I've been working lately as a manicurist in my mum's saloon and....business has been really tiring cause I've been working from morning to late at night. Example : 10 am - 9.30 pm
IKR. Its fucking tiring and today has been the worse of the worst.
I made so many fucking mistakes that my sister stated to me when I stepped into the car....
I didn't realize it until she told me....
She told me many consequences and I'm mind-fucked because I feel so guilty and I feel so sorry towards my mother because all the ugly things I made to other people's nails will spread and business will go bad.
I have to wake up at 5 and reach at the saloon by 5.30 and its a fucking chinese new year.
It's chinese new year and everybody is supposed to be happy but too bad, I'm not.
I dont think I'll be even happier when me and my sister reached the salary target. Fuck, I know.
Sorry for swearing...other than swearing, I don't know what to say.
Everything had been fucked up by me today
I'm an emo bitch. I know...
Why am I such a moron or a fucking dufus? Why can't I be perfect like my sister? SERIOUSLY.
The worst thing is, my manuscript has been rejected my headline publishing company in London.
God damn it, why must imperfect things come to me?
I know I'm not good enough...( why am I replying answers to myself? Whats wrong with my fucking brain and psychology?)
Let me ask you guys and girls something....
Have you ever thought of leaving home and go to somewhere else and start anew and never come back?
Yes, I've been thinking bout this but I feel like I'm escaping the facts (which is true) and throw away the me that I used to be or whatever it is....
It's supposed to be a mini update but it became long. Fuck!
Somehow, I just feel like letting God take away my soul for being such a stupid person and of course he wouldnt because he wants me to change and be a better person
He wants me to learn the mistakes I did and make sure that I do not repent them.
That wouldnt be easy but I must. I am trying my best and I pray that all the lords in the universe will help me to achieve it.
Goodnight.


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